while i was away

do you watch Ellen?

i love her.

she is beautiful. i love her style.

and she makes me laugh, like "milk out the nose" kind of laugh.

in case she come's across this, thanks Ellen.

being with out my laptop for several, several weeks - made me realize that -

i can not live w/o it.

that is true. ok, maybe that is kind of sad, actually.

but - i am so happy to have it back and am spending time

catching up with everyone.

as i write, we are only 2 weeks shy of Thanksgiving. I cannot wrap my mind around this.

where did this year go? it just doesn't seem possible.

i shall pull out the 'ole new years resolutions list (here and here), && hurry up with what i haven't yet done. am i really the only one who hold's true to these silly resolutions?

i now leave you with a special presentation from my peeps to you.

- here's to getting you in the holiday spirit.

weekend love note

until next time

dearest pairs of flip-flops

thank you for another great summer.

all the cute manicures. the fabulous colors. the freedom.

but, its time for you to travel on now,

its time for hibernation,

in your corner of the closet, nestled snuggly amongst

the many others;

i'll be seeing you soon.

you will be missed.

boots are cute

but, socks are yucky.

my love will never fade.

stay safe, and warm.

until spring.

♥

i lived a little

.....yesterday.

i stepped out of the box.

i ate sushi.

yes.....

i.ate.sushi.

[crunchy tuna roll - yes. spicy tuna roll - yes. crab roll - no.]

this was a big deal.

&& then there was the crayfish.

nuh. uh.

i also tried

edamame

& loved them.

[as a recommendation from a sweet blog friend]

this was fun stuff.

im moving on, at last i can see - life has been patienty waiting for me....

the past six days have been good days.
perfect days, perhaps.
i have accomplished a few things i needed to finish around the house.
a few, still a work in progress.
i love when my days off fall into week long stretches.
indeed, it makes it very hard to go back, but this entire schedule and position, is only temporary.
my wonderful mom is coming over today.
the two rooms that belonged to our beloved foster children
have remained the same, since they all in september of last year.
i had made small steps, very small steps, throughout the year to slowly pack their things -
but only in small moments of weakness.
i felt if their stuff was out and kept the same- their spirits would not leave.
it's took a year to finally accept that what happened - was meant to be.
i can't say i didn't question. nor, can i say i wasn't hurt. angry. frustrated. defeated.
but time heals wounds - and with the healing also brings understanding and acceptance.
so, on monday - i took down all pictures, except the three that remain behind the sofa, perhaps those shall stay there, and packed them away. easily accessible, in the event i need to see my sweet babies again, but far enough away that they wan't be there. in front of me. within reach. during my moments of weakness.
today, we are packing up their things that were left behind.
the rooms have pretty much remained the same. toys where they left them. shoes where they were last taken off. clothes in the drawers.
no, this wasn't healthy. but as a grieving process, its how it had to be.
and i am now able to move on.
& place their precious things, that were left behind, away.
change the bedding.
paint the walls.
take away all their drawings. play-dough creations. the tiny broken crayons in the corners of the room.
for i am ready to move on, happily.
i am no longer sad.
i am happy that they were apart of our lives.
& that for a moment in time, we were able to give these precious children love. happiness. acceptance. family.
we love them still, always will.

with us finally reaching the ability of acceptance and the vision to move on,
i made the call yesterday to transition into a new foster care agency - so we can move forward and become
parents again to some more precious children.
the agency we are using specializes in young, sibling groups.
we will continue our fertility treatments - but we know we have
been lead to be parents to these neglected children.
our heart belongs with them.
we pray this will be a quick and smooth transition.
& that this time, we will be blessed even more & be able to move forward with adoption.

sweetest hello

hello thirties.

you welcomed me with such a wonderful, fall weekend of camping.

although i had reservations about going away for my birthday, away as in outside the realm of all communications, once we pulled on to the gravely mountain road - my heart was happy.

my husband is that of perfection; what a wonderful job he did planning.

he is the sweetest, most compassionate, caring person. i love him, completely.

the freating we do over age. it is kind of silly.

i said my prayers & thanked my dear Savior for another day, another year.

but -because i do freat. and i do put big deals on birthdays.

- this is a new beginning for me.

not one tear did i end up shedding the day of my birthday.

i really surprised myself.

i am happy to report i did not spend the day in bed with a gallon of ice cream, bottles of wine and boxes of kleenex - instead, i woke up with such a rejuvenating sense of life.

i was no longer thinking of what i had missed out on or hadn't accomplished.

or of the silly girls who had recently hurt me;

but only what i have to look forward too and the many new things that awaits.

i have so many wonderful and new exciting things coming up in the next few weeks and months.

i plan on making the most of every minute.

i am happy. i am loved. i am blessed.

happy birthday to me.

the beautiful sunrise the morning of my birthday.

a perfect morning.

our sweet home away from home.

thanks my darling for this photo op @ 6:00 in the morning,

after awaking you to build a fire -

thanks for this perfect birthday weekend.

our toasty camp fire where wonderful memories are made.

happiest birthday to me.

sitting around the fire with my precious dusty dog.

more beautiful signs of fall.

a glass of whine

i wanted to whine for a minute, last night.

it was too late to call anyone.
my husband has been all whined out.
& my mom hates the subject of the topic i wanted to whine about.

so, it was just going to be, me and you.

but, i turned off the monitor. moped to the bedroom. and eventually after the thoughts ceased and my tossing & turning ended, & i drifted off.

so, here i sit...in the corner of my world at work, wishing i was anywhere, but here. its raining out. has been actually for days now, it seems. i do love the rain. its perfect weather for the excuse to read all day. but, i could use a little sunshine right now.

last night, i wanted to whine about something that is really a big deal. major, actually.

and im really processing what my feelings should be. i kind of stink at the whole, "how do i really need to handle this" decision. there's this fine line that i really don't know how to approach. do i take one step over the line and sink to the level of others or do i stand back. stand strong. & just keep my thoughts and facts opinions to myself?

i guess i choose the stand strong part.

even though i dont feel so strong right now.

its not been a good week.

i hate feeling weak & defeated.

i hate not getting out what ive put in.

i hate situations that haven't been true.

i hate that my feelings are so broken hurt over someone and/or something that doesn't deserve all this energy.

im not convinved time heals.

perhaps only makes it worse.

but thats what ive been told to give it.

so perhaps, it will prove to be just.

no highheels on a hiking trip

not to many weeks ago as i was taking an afternoon stroll through blog land, i came across a quote, that i decided to steal borrow as my own.

"its like kenneth cole meeting coleman".

"hmmm!", i thought. "i totally relate".

 let me explain.

growing up in a small [not really quite so city, city] city.

make-up, high-heels, & coordinating jewelery were breed into you,

starting at birth with dresses, matching shoes & frilly socks, i was always a poster child for Proffit's [now Belk's]. im sure, through looking at pictures, i had coordinating blankets.

as years transitioned into teen years, appearance and all things girl, were a requirement of my daily routine. i remember "dressing up" to go to the mall, which was always like a vacation, as we just weren't a mall family. but, i look back now and imagine what a dork i looked like, wearing probably my sunday's best with white hose and shiny black patton shoes, while everyone else was running around in their tight fit 80s jeans and a oversized shirt.

i would've laughed at me.

but, its how i was raised. dress well. your best. at all times.

so, as an adult, i dress well, my best. at all times, but with a disclaimer:

i will trade my labels in for a faded pair of liberty overall's, anytime!

married into a family with a passion for mountains as deep as my love for the latest Sephora eye shadow, i was forced welcomed into a whole new world, one i had never known.

what? no electricity? no cell phone? no cable? are you serious? just call me when you get back!

this was normal conversations pre-engagement. they were not getting me in those creepy-muggy, bug infested, snake slither'n, dirty muddy, woods. never.

but i went [was kidnapped] once. & from that day forward, my passion for the mountains feel quickly as did my love for my hubbs.

as a girl in a mountain world, there are alot of compromises that all must make on a trip, as my can't-live-without-the-conveniences-of-home demands, must be met. at all times.... but i'll gut a fish & hunt w/ the best of them. thank the cotton-genius for pink-camo!

so, if your afraid of the great-out doors, like i once was....seriously. take off the heels. put on a hoodie & grab some jeans. get the coleman set [latern, cooler, tent, etc] & go.
trading the heels for some hiking boots.

you'll fall in love.

pink'y promise.

the heels will be there when you get back home.

nothing can compare to a weekend in a place

like this [above].

breathless.

really?

so, our recent trip to atlanta, was good.
i got to do some shopping at the mall in buckhead,

which i love.

so take a look at this dress....

its a blue. sleeveless, floral dress. straight back.

WHY is this dress so expensive? it's so not pretty.

rawr.

rawr.

my cute new bear slippers.

how cute, right?

so. i was at this little thrift store in town.

these are for my room at my parents.

my feet always freeze here.

note: i have carpet. they have hardwood.

my dad got a good laugh.

new'ness

so while im writing, im listening to the tv my dad is glued to. the soft, sweet conversation my mom and i are having. and i feel the coldness as it has once again, consumed my feet and hands. poor little things. they seem to be cold, always. in my defense, i do cover with cute socks and soft blankets.

well...we have found our new vehicle. it was love at first sight. well, after an long, intensive search. i should have it on saturday, if delivered on time.

i love a new vehicle. my last new vehicle was my altima, we bought new in '02.

im excited. about a new product!

a new something i found today, while scrolling through this months Glamour....

they are art pens, by sally hansen.

they are super cute.

they will be a spring, must have!

happy monday!

after our fun dinner friday night at stir-fry, our slumber party was wonderful. old picture. pizza. chick flicks. laughter into the wee hours. we decided that monthly indeed we will get together for a PJ party. its the close times with friends that we all need. im thankful for my super close group of girls....chris, becca, kris, lisa, kendra. i love you. =)

our year has started off fairly decent. the economy has been ruff, as we all know, which result in slow sales for the hubby. we've had a few car problems, the good ole' jeep is showing some age marks. sniff. sniff. i love that jeep. but its getting to the point that its not worth the money to continue making it "feel better". i think we've decided to start looking for a new one. ive sure enjoyed having no car payments for the last few months. but excited about a new vehicle. this is bitter sweet.

dear friends

dinner @ stirfry was excellent; delicious as always!

i love my dear friends. thanks for a fun friday night!

lovey dovey day

i meant to add that yes, im a nut for valentine's day. although most complain its became a commercialized holiday, i still believe in flowers, cards & dinner. im excited...any cute ideas you could share that i could get for my husband; im all ears. xoxo

snow, new york, this & that

so, the snow is melting. gone. bye-bye. im sad. i loved it. i still have my fingers crossed for a blizzard, though. im not giving up hope. im positive. im positive that we will be snowed in for a week. living on kerosene heaters. food in garbage bags, packed out in the snow. cooking over the fire. playing games til dark. then living only by candle light and the reflection of the kerosene heater. aaah. come little snow...come!



so our girls trip has been set for september. NYC. ive wanted to go always. so much that at one time, some may remember, i wanted to move there. but, i decided that mountains and trees are priceless. and i wouldnt trade it in for the starbucks-bagels-street side flowers-taxi-tourist thing that once attracted me. aaah. downtown manhatan. see ya in 8 more months! i cannot wait!



the past week or so has been pretty slow. not many events, other than our little snow. mom came up today. we shopped. going out with some of the girls tonite, for dinner. then tomorrow, PJ party & chick flick night. how i havent been to one of those since, high school! let's see...what else. reconnected with several old friends on facebook in which im super happy about. my hubby wasnt as onry this week. [he he] & o, one of my bffs, the one that is expecting...her first dr. appt is today.



until next time...think snow; & lots of it!