the past six days have been good days.
perfect days, perhaps.
i have accomplished a few things i needed to finish around the house.
a few, still a work in progress.
i love when my days off fall into week long stretches.
indeed, it makes it very hard to go back, but this entire schedule and position, is only temporary.
my wonderful mom is coming over today.
the two rooms that belonged to our beloved foster children
have remained the same, since they all in september of last year.
i had made small steps, very small steps, throughout the year to slowly pack their things -
but only in small moments of weakness.
i felt if their stuff was out and kept the same- their spirits would not leave.
it's took a year to finally accept that what happened - was meant to be.
i can't say i didn't question. nor, can i say i wasn't hurt. angry. frustrated. defeated.
but time heals wounds - and with the healing also brings understanding and acceptance.
so, on monday - i took down all pictures, except the three that remain behind the sofa, perhaps those shall stay there, and packed them away. easily accessible, in the event i need to see my sweet babies again, but far enough away that they wan't be there. in front of me. within reach. during my moments of weakness.
today, we are packing up their things that were left behind.
the rooms have pretty much remained the same. toys where they left them. shoes where they were last taken off. clothes in the drawers.
no, this wasn't healthy. but as a grieving process, its how it had to be.
and i am now able to move on.
& place their precious things, that were left behind, away.
change the bedding.
paint the walls.
take away all their drawings. play-dough creations. the tiny broken crayons in the corners of the room.
for i am ready to move on, happily.
i am no longer sad.
i am happy that they were apart of our lives.
& that for a moment in time, we were able to give these precious children love. happiness. acceptance. family.
we love them still, always will.
with us finally reaching the ability of acceptance and the vision to move on,
i made the call yesterday to transition into a new foster care agency - so we can move forward and become
parents again to some more precious children.
the agency we are using specializes in young, sibling groups.
we will continue our fertility treatments - but we know we have
been lead to be parents to these neglected children.
our heart belongs with them.
we pray this will be a quick and smooth transition.
& that this time, we will be blessed even more & be able to move forward with adoption.