a glass of whine

i wanted to whine for a minute, last night.

it was too late to call anyone.
my husband has been all whined out.
& my mom hates the subject of the topic i wanted to whine about.

so, it was just going to be, me and you.

but, i turned off the monitor. moped to the bedroom. and eventually after the thoughts ceased and my tossing & turning ended, & i drifted off.

so, here i sit...in the corner of my world at work, wishing i was anywhere, but here. its raining out. has been actually for days now, it seems. i do love the rain. its perfect weather for the excuse to read all day. but, i could use a little sunshine right now.

last night, i wanted to whine about something that is really a big deal. major, actually.

and im really processing what my feelings should be. i kind of stink at the whole, "how do i really need to handle this" decision. there's this fine line that i really don't know how to approach. do i take one step over the line and sink to the level of others or do i stand back. stand strong. & just keep my thoughts and facts opinions to myself?

i guess i choose the stand strong part.

even though i dont feel so strong right now.

its not been a good week.

i hate feeling weak & defeated.

i hate not getting out what ive put in.

i hate situations that haven't been true.

i hate that my feelings are so broken hurt over someone and/or something that doesn't deserve all this energy.

im not convinved time heals.

perhaps only makes it worse.

but thats what ive been told to give it.

so perhaps, it will prove to be just.