hello, my friend.

it has officially been forever since i last blogged. sorry.


let's rewind.....

a. the last few months at work have really picked up and honestly, the computer doesn't interest me after being around it for 9+ hours a day. that's mostly the reason for my absence. b. we are still trying for a precious bundle of joy; we will be undergoing our 4th fertility treatment in August; which happens to be a year we've officially been trying. c. let's see - friendships were reunited; this was a huge answered prayer. d. our relationship with Christ continues to grow as we do in our spiritual walk as a couple; our church is amazing and we are so blessed to be a part of an amazing church and church family. e. garden green beans are soon to be in and this makes me very happy (smile) f. we had a wonderful, perfect week on vacation in early June to Myrtle Beach.

i believe that catches me up. i'll spare all the small, small details and will just do better on staying current.

sweetest hello

hello thirties.

you welcomed me with such a wonderful, fall weekend of camping.

although i had reservations about going away for my birthday, away as in outside the realm of all communications, once we pulled on to the gravely mountain road - my heart was happy.

my husband is that of perfection; what a wonderful job he did planning.

he is the sweetest, most compassionate, caring person. i love him, completely.

the freating we do over age. it is kind of silly.

i said my prayers & thanked my dear Savior for another day, another year.

but -because i do freat. and i do put big deals on birthdays.

- this is a new beginning for me.

not one tear did i end up shedding the day of my birthday.

i really surprised myself.

i am happy to report i did not spend the day in bed with a gallon of ice cream, bottles of wine and boxes of kleenex - instead, i woke up with such a rejuvenating sense of life.

i was no longer thinking of what i had missed out on or hadn't accomplished.

or of the silly girls who had recently hurt me;

but only what i have to look forward too and the many new things that awaits.

i have so many wonderful and new exciting things coming up in the next few weeks and months.

i plan on making the most of every minute.

i am happy. i am loved. i am blessed.

happy birthday to me.

the beautiful sunrise the morning of my birthday.

a perfect morning.

our sweet home away from home.

thanks my darling for this photo op @ 6:00 in the morning,

after awaking you to build a fire -

thanks for this perfect birthday weekend.

our toasty camp fire where wonderful memories are made.

happiest birthday to me.

sitting around the fire with my precious dusty dog.

more beautiful signs of fall.

my A-Z guide at just the right time

doing some sunday afternoon reading, i ran across a few things that i personally have been questioning lately. turning 30, has been a huge thing for me, since my twenty-fifth birthday. i was twenty-five until last year, when i finally stopped whining about it and accepted it has a good thing; a new an exciting era to live and accomplish things that i have looked forward to, or a new beginning to do things that i have put off. so, unlike prior reservations, i will not spend the day in bed. with a box of kleenex. a gallon of chocolate ice cream. and photo albums of pre-thirty years.

im sure like most, everything didn't go as planned for me, in my twenties. and with less than 2 weeks left, i don't think i have much time to accomplish the things that i didn't. reality is, i can't dwell on the past. this is something i have got to learn. i think its one of my husbands biggest knudges. "let the past rest. learn & move on from it. you only borrow stress". i have to agree with him.

in this months issue of Redbook Magazine, there was an article titled, "Get Everything you want. Your complete A-Z guide".  there were only a few that hit close to home and got the ol' wheels a turnin'. i was greatful for these random bits of advice. somehow, they came at just the right time.

A all the affirmation you'll ever need
it directs you to find a meaningful mantra that can instantly connect you to your best self, while providing inspiration and comfort. it informs you to choose a word that suggest what you want in life. although there are many words that came to mind, as well as phrases from other literature and poems, the one listed fit me perfect. i choose love i will now practice saying this as instructed, when i awake and before bed. i will say it during the day when stress settles in or i will say it when met with opposition. if i consistently choose love, there should be no dull moments or crisis. less stress and no drama. this shall be my new mantra. what's yours?

B better customer service
this was directed right-to-me. i think the author had gotten complaints from charter's technical service department about me. i needed this advice. i assumed all along that this company had only hired idiots to answer the phones to i guess what was an attempt to help with our issues, but only to successfully pass us along to 7 others with 7 different languages. i always end up slamming down the phone. maybe if i would not become so stressed during this time, i would have more luck. although this is really a minor, silly thing. with charter you have to call alot, so there have been a lot of hangups. so now, anytime i have to call an 800 number for a customer service related issue, i will now be on my best behavior.

G the guts to say what you really think
i stink at this. if a situation calls for confrontation, i always just beat around the bush in order to "protect" their feelings, while mine are just getting trampled. i am alot better than i used to be. growing up, i had no "stand up" about me at all. which in younger years, they really weren't needed, except to defend myself from my older brother. teen years, it would've been nice to have. now, although i will portray my feelings to someone, its never full honesty. i will only say minimum in order to protect them. screw my feelings, right? they surely don't care. so not to be spiteful or mean, i will work on this. i come first. i look out for me. that's what is important.

H an hour of peace and quiet
this never happens. not that my life is super busy. i am just so scatterbrained at times, that i am constantly going from one thing to the other, to accomplish the "one thing" i started on an hour ago. this will defiantly be a change for me, even if it doesn't involve nightly bubble baths, serenaded with the soft keys of Yanni and lit softly by candle light. perhaps i should find pleasure in just cleaning the kitchen, listening to soft music or a new tune.

J a job i really love
this has been a huge struggle for me since 2006, when i was laid off, then decided to be a stay at home foster parent for 2 years, only wrapping that up with a try in a new career. sometimes change isn't good. unfortunately, i have found out the not so happy way. my professional career will get back on track. the medical field is just not for me. corporate america, i'm running back to you!

K good karma
although i am total southern baptist, i do believe in karma. i think its roots are from knowing right from wrong and the golden rule, "do unto others as you would have them do unto you". i should work on my karma. get in tune more with myself. i think somewhere over the past few years, with things being so out of norm, i lost a little bit of my true identity. this defiantly tops my list.

L you deserve love
i do! and thoughtfulness. and affection. and attention. i will do more. give more. even if its not reciprocated in all aspects of my life, i will be the one to come out on top.

O to be more outgoing
i am outgoing to an extent. defiantly not the crawl-on-top-of-a-table while dancing all night &; all drinks are on me - type of outgoing. no longer will all my eggs be in one basket, its to easy for them to break.

Q quality time
i will shake up my solo routine! my habits sometimes fall in rut and i don't produce enough time to include time needed for family. friends. charity events. i will defiantly add more jazz, and the peeps i love, into more areas of my life.

V Joie de vivre
the joy of living.
i will cultivate my own joie de vivre by taking pleasure in all aspects of my life, big and small....and finding a balance between mind and body.

so now, i will await my thirties and smile as they are approaching.
the anticipated changes are exhilarating. i see good things. accomplishments. growth.

i see a breathe of fresh air. 

the unshaved leg

so, here is a story of the unshaved leg.
that i realized had wrote itself, unknowling. well, forgottenling [yes, a word],
when i woke up this morning & sweet hubbs was on the far side of the bed.


it all started last sunday afternoon.
a nice, warm bath had been ran, overflowing with bubbles. soft music playing.
the set up was nice.
i go through the ritual of taking a bath.
shutting the bedroom door,
opening the closet door,
then shutting the bathroom door.
weird, but the bath just somehow feels cozier that way.
so, i undress. get in. aaaah. nice. exspecially after a hot, muggy weekend camping.
i get the shaver. and start my right leg. and just as i finish....the phone rings.
i jerk open the shower curtain. stumble for a towel to dry my hands...so i can get the phone.
i answer. its a call ive been waiting for, thus the production to get to it.
i tell them to hold on. i hop out. dry off. slip my robe on. & proceed to talk.
& it was then i proceeded to talk for hours.
hours past bedtime.
hours past the time i needed to finish the other leg.
then came tuesday; work. a busy day. home late. straight to bed.
wednesday came & went; full of errands & house work.
then there was thursday. a long work day. home late. bed.

so the hubbs this morning, informed me it warded off him.
the way we sleep. he kept feeling that leg.

i shower daily. lotion daily.
am i apparently this scatterbrained?


brilliant.
but its now apparent that our love for male face scruffies in no way equals the love for female leg scruffies.
both legs are now even.

hitting the brakes!

im inserting my least favorite word here: uugh!

as i sit and type this, i officially have only 31 days

until i turn the big "30".

a little history....


my 25th birthday, was wonderful.
probably the best i had ever had.
& up until last year, i was "25".
then began all the talks from family and friends
that, "isn't turning another year older, so much
better than the alternative?"


sure thing! i realized at that moment, it totally was....
& that i should stop being "25" forever, and look
forward to each new year.
so, at "29"....i was happy. i was looking forward
to "living" in the "30"s.
that's what i heard you do.
you learn in the 20s.
& live in the 30s.

"screeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeetch!"

then repeat...
uugh!
as i sit and type this, i officially have only 31 days
until i turn the big "30".
i’m not giving up my juvenile viewing habits of watching Anchorman and Team America over and over to make sure I memorize every funny quote.

it’s now near scientifically impossible to fit that many candles on a regular-sized cake.

the days of partying on rooftops with cases and cases of Bud and scantily clad men, finishing the late night downing pizza, pancakes or burgers (or all three) at IHOP are numbered. Now I’m expected to sip wine and dress nice during Martini Night at the local museum.

every slice of pizza or buffalo wing I need to take a Pepcid. Later I have to down an entire bottle of Pepto Bismol.

my trash can in the bathroom has a magazine, atlas and newspaper on top like I'm running a reference section of a library.

toys I played with as a kid are retro and back in style. (Transformers and Care Bears, to name two) Similarly, I find myself regaling youths about stories of “back in my day.”

ive decided i had better get a rubber mat in the tub--just in case!

i read....

"as the milestone quickly approaches, (the 30 milestone, not the incontinence or pantsuit milestones-fortunately, I have yet to hit those), i realize that turning 30 is a turning point. When I was, 25, I was sure that 30 was going to be this magical turning point when I suddenly get all my sh*t together. I wouldn't feel "old," per se, but I'd feel more content, secure. Life would be less of an emotional rollercoaster. I'd probably even be completely done with my quarterlife crisis!"

and it was then, i remembered.

today i realized that there are only 4 months left in the year.
& i have not completed all my new years resolutions.
yes, i am OCD and take these very seriously.
sweet hubbs finds it amusing, as they once never mattered.
but i put some pretty fun stuff on my list - & i guess
maybe id be disappointed if i didn't complete them.
and yes, there are the same not so joyous ones that tops
everyone's list each year - debt. weight. new car. to answer
those, briefly: yes. (still got it). yes (lost a little). & yes.
i blogged yesterday about a new hobby that im in search
of. i then i realized earlier that. i love cakes.
& loving cakes...it made my list of resolutions.
to take a cake decorating class, actually.
so, im happy again that i remembered this
great bit of information & am ISO a class.

check THIS out. its funny haha, not funny queer.

weird. smeird.

i do not believe in all the astrological - stars are in
alignment. this is your sign, jargin.
if you do, your weird.
-now, moving on.
[insert giggle]
so, recently, ive had i believe 3 very troubling dreams.
not going into specific details.
but it involves the loss of a loved one.
- a very close loved one.
&& it came again last night.
the type of so real dream. you wake up
in tears. and it takes you 3 moments to snap out
of the "that was only a dream, niko that
was only a dream".
so. there i sat. in my room.
alone. center of bed. it was early morning.
the sun barely peeking from behind the clouds.

& then here - comes the curiosity.

i tried to talk myself
out of it. but, already my hand had led me to the
laptop. to the mouse. to the internet. to
my favorite search engine.
and slowly the word appeared: d r e a m s
what was i doing? searching for the meanings of
dreams on the internet? why dont i just pull
up my tarot card readings while im at it?
so here i sit. what to do now?
id gone this far...so, why not read the results?
[insert deep breathe] *click

first few links:
death + loved one = marriage
death + loved one = birth
death + loved one = concern
ok. catching on. doesnt seem creepy.
so, apparently i am concerned over someone that is
getting married and having a baby.
hmmm.

page 7.
death + loved one = need to sale house & move.
death + loved one = cut ties with that stressful relationship.
page 8
death + loved one = you have fallen out of love with this person. your
relationship is not as close as it use to be.
death + loved one = this is a sign to set your pet lizard free. the unhappiness
of the pet lizard is being portrayed thru your dreams.
page 9
death + loved one = the abundance of moldy cheese you keep in your cupboards
is resulting in ill-maintained relationships.

sccccreetch.

what the what?
so now, i am suppose to sell my house because i have fallen out of love with someone who has a pet lizard and keeps moldy cheese?

so, i leave here today. distressed. that the
search engine, my fav of all time, did not
come through for me in my dream interpretation.
& im now stressing more over the pet lizard & moldy
cheese.

on to clean the cabinets and check closets for
a trapt reptile.

and it was then, i realized.

my husband sometimes

complains, always, that it takes way

to long for me to get ready.

and that i get too dressed up for everything,

even for just a trip to the grocery store.

so i teased him that i from then on

i will just

get up. get dressed. run the brush through the hair.

brush the teeth. throw something on. & go.

& so i did. just one day. and the one day that i did.

ran into an old friend. i looked like a mongrel. im sure.

i felt like a mongrel. i know.

& it was that day i realized.

there is nothing wrong with being a high maintenence girl.

so i tell him, either continue to complain

or learn to have more patience.

for i am. and will always be, totally girly.

and will always take entirely too long to get ready.

and will always over dress for the occasion.

i just dont do jeans and tshirts.

and it was then, i realized.

that was ok.

i need some new shoes.

confessions of the addict.

i have a confession. ive been a nail bitter. have been since i was a tween. ive tried pinching the thumb when i caught myself. used bad tasting polish that was so repulsive it was suppose to make me qweezy. but to no avail, i bit right thru the rumbling stomachs. its seriously an awful, ugly addiction. so, about 2 months ago. i stopped biting them. just all of a sudden. they were perfect. i was so thrilled. they made a bunch of ruckus on the keyboard. i dug that. i could scratch my husbands arm, just cause i felt like it. it was great. they looked so nice. they were defiantly a centerpiece for conversation. me, with nails? unheard of. so, can someone please explain to me, why i bit them all off again? its such a repulsive thing ive done.

I mean, I'm a fool

for manicures.

a new blogexperience

i have had this blog forever and a few days. all the while, just updating for out of town family and a few close friends. today, i ran across a blog that hooks you up with other bloggers, and creates a network. im actually excited about this. my first step was to become a part of SITSgirls....i added the button. so, here's to newness!

growing pains

when i was younger,
like most...i felt, untouchable.
maybe like i was gonna live forever.
not that it couldn't happen to me....
but maybe, wouldn't happen.

how time changes us.

we learn to value life.
to take each day and make the most.
to fill each day with experiences,
that you will take with you, for always.

one thing that i stress over the most,
about getting older...
is "growing pains".

the new aches, pains, tingles, throbs....
to sum it up, i worry. freak. stress.
im a regular on webmd.com.
with that said, i don't recommend self-diagnosing yourself.
*smile

i still as of yet to find a gray hair;
which is beyond great news.
i stress enuf over the above mentioned "growing pains"
that a gray hair, indeed...would be a 911 freak out.