From the closet

Happy Friday, lovelies.

This week flew by and I'm excited. I love this time of year and look forward to taking my neices and nephews trick or treating. I was really wanting to attend a costume party, but we had prior plans for the personal invites we received and then time got away and we didn't make reservations for the ones in the city. I wouldn't pass time with my little ghost's and goblins anyways, so we are looking forward to a great weekend with family.

I am fitting into clothes that I out grew years ago. I love this most of all. I spent a few minutes last night trying on things that just a few short months ago laughed at me when I took them off the hanger. My self-esteem is up a notch or two and I feel great. I decided to join the holiday challenge hosted by Kristin. I also joined one at the gym. So, double accountability is good. I don't mind. I'm most excited about this one because it's with people who are traveling the same journey. ♥

Tonight is date night. We originally had plans at a friend's house for a bon-fire, but it was cancelled due to sickness. I think we are going for seafood and a movie and I'm excited. I love date night.

Hope everyone has a rockin' and spooky weekend!

To your tummy, with love.

Before I share a yummy, healthy lunch recipe that I whipped up last night - I want to let you know I'm so happy to be apart of your sisterhood! I'm a newbie around these parts and am just so blessed to have hit 50 followers, so quickly. I am addicted to reading love your blogs and the support you bring; thank you. ♥  

I whipped this up last night for dinner and it was so good, and healthy, I had to share! Enjoy!

Wednesday Weigh-in

Weigh-in: 234

Loss since first fill (10/21): -8

Total loss: 24.8

8 pounds since my first fill just last Thursday? ♥

Love it!

where did this come from?

Last night was my 2nd night at the gym. I ran 1.5 straight miles at 4.2 mph. I finished with a half mile walk and 5 minutes on the elliptical. Where did this come from? Saturday I walked for 30 minutes and about died. I haven't ran in years. My legs became numb and I felt no pain, I just ran. I ran for an entire mile and a half. Thank you motivation fairy for tapping my shoulder with your magical wand. Come again?

I stress over the amount of exercise needed and daily caloric goal to achieve. My nutritionist tells me one thing, the internet another. I know if one don't get enough calories, loss can stop. Currently I am getting 700-1000; is that normal? As for exercise, is it 5 days, thirty-minute workouts? Or 3 days, 1 hour workouts? Do I need to go everyday? I'm over-analyzing everything because I just want to get it right. The band is doing everything it's supposed to do for me; I want to make sure I hold up my end of the deal.

[picture: my post-workout stats: 35 min workout]

a perfect explanation!

Sitting here at work slaving away, tackling these piles of folders on my desk reading blogs, I ran across something I wanted to share, specifically for the newer bandsters like me regarding restriction and what being full, really means.

From a lapband diva who had an 108 lb. loss in 9 months, she explained this way, "What is it that you're expecting to "feel" with restriction? I don't actually feel restriction. I didn't even realize that I had pretty decent restriction until I got a little over-filled and then had to have some fill taken out. Restriction should be very subtle, or else you probably are over-filled. All it means is that you are satisfied (not full!) after eating 1 c. or so food at each meal, and then you have reduced hunger for 3-4 hours. As for full, most of us overweight people consider "full" to be that Thanksgiving-dinner-two-plates-full-of-food" stuffed to be what "full" feels like; that is overfull. Full is when you eat about 3/4 of a cup of food and you don't get hungry for 4 hours. That's a new way to define full."

This was simply and beautifully put. For so long, my full was miserable. Starting my band journey, was full to feel the same?  And when I got restriction, was I supposed to feel like my stomach was being strangled? Since my first fill, I haven't felt anything. I've only realized I have been able to eat appropriately. I have been ever so cautious and in control and stopping when I feel content, or satisfied. An entire cup of food or not, I push the food away when I arrive at satisfaction. So far, I last 4-5 hours between each meal, with no snacking. So, I think not feeling anything is our new skinny.

Like what I'm seeing

First of all - I'd love to connect with you on Facebook. It makes communication so much easier, for me anyways. Send me a friend's request, here. ♥

I have fallen in love again with my scales. Ugly reminder, when I weighed this past Thursday during my first fill, I had a 5.6 gain. This, I assume, was my bodies way of discipling me for four weeks of an all liquid diet. Since my fill, so since Thursday, I've had a 5.8 loss. I'm back to my pre-surgery weight plus  down .2. I want officially claim this until weigh-in Wednesday and even hesitated saying anything; but I'm just so darned excited!

I've been getting my protein w/o the aid of shakes. hallelujah! Ground Turkey Breast, Lean Chicken, Egg Whites and Tuna have topped my list of proteins and I've been able to meet my protein goals, per day. I actually have a brand new love for the ground turkey breast. [note, NOT ground turkey, it's not the same]. I made a huge pot of homemade turkey chili for dinner last night, which was delish! I had about 1/2 c. of chili and 3 small pieces of a turkey dog. Thank you Jennie-O!

I've had several more people notice I've lost weight...and I love it! I feel so giddy inside. I realized I've been in the 200's for most my life. If I feel giddy now - I can't imagine the feelings when I hit onederland!

Wishing everyone a lovely week. Off to read!

the rest of the story.....

Other than the obvious reason of wanting to loose weight, be healthy, have an explosion of self-esteem, wear cute clothes....the main reason of wanting to get the band was to aid in our fertility treatments.

Married 10 years this coming April, we became curious as to why we weren't with baby in the summer of 2005. I made mention to my PCP and she recommended we see a Fertility Specialist (Reproductive Endocrinologist - RE). Fortunately, we have a RE locally that is one of the best in the nation and although it took several months to get an appointment, we thought it was well worth the wait. Appointment 1: I was quickly diagnosed with PCOS, placed on Clomid to assist with egg development and ovulation and the hubbs was given a semen analysis. Two days later, I get a call telling me to discontinue the Clomid as the analysis came back reflecting zero sperm. We instantly went into denial; the test was corrupt. 2 years and 3 foster kids later, he decided to re-take the test. We went, he did, they called; zero. zilch. nada. I remember wiping the tears away from his shattered face as he faintly whispered, "I'm not even a man. A man could give my wife children. I'm a total failure". 

During the two years it took to face a second test, several things occurred. 

1. We became foster parents. We had 3 precious children over the course of 20 months. We were so blessed having made this decision and to become a part of their lives. Unfortunately, as foster parenting goes, it's not always permanent. It was an emotional hell and we still have moments of weakness. We loved them so. 

2. We realized why it took two years to re-test. Although I was ready to test instantly and we both just knew the results were product of a corrupt test, he couldn't get past the possibility of it being true. We were told during this time that there were exploratory procedures available to a) see if there was blockage preventing sperm to produce in the semen or b) to manually attempt to retrieve sperm - if just one, which could be used in IVF. He wasn't open to either, and reluctantly I supported him. I began wandering why he was being selfish. It's been two years...there are tests that could possibly be the answers to our prayers, there are procedures, there is hope; why in the world is he not moving forward with decisions. Wanting a child so bad, I assume these feelings were natural. Looking back it angers me I ever felt this way.

After the children left in September 2008 and we had the results of the second analysis; I began to research. I spent days and nights reading and hoping there was something; something - that would work and that we could afford; IVF wasn't financially an option. It was around this time I discovered Intrauterine Insemination (IUI) and Sperm Adoption. We quickly discussed and made a decision - this was it! 

A few weeks later, my neighbor of 4 years announced her pregnancy in early 2009. After congratulating her, it was revealed that her pregnancy was result of IUI - Intrauterine Insemination; Femara and Stimming (Fertility Shots). She got her positive on her 5th IUI. She gave me the name of her RE and I called. The procedure, affordable. The success rate, wonderful with PCOS patients. I quickly made an appointment and was connected with their Cryobank the same day. Although the initial reaction of having to use a cryobank, aka - sperm donation, was unsettling, the process has been smooth, reassuring and an answered prayer. We spent countless hours matching donor demographics to my husbands; we identified the perfect donor. 

Our appointment was late June, our first IUI in August. We have since had 3 failed IUI's; although I responded the best with my last treatment. With PCOS - I don't ovulate on my own or produce quality eggs. Weight plays a huge factor; which brings me to where we are now.

We've had such an emotional journey. 

I was banded September 22; what an answered prayer. 

The reasons for me lie so much deeper than the superficial reasons of wanting to loose weight; It's our hope. This could be the thing that could aid in the successful conception of a precious child...our child. 

I find so much encouragement and inspiration through all your lovely blogs. I know this band will work and I pray, pray, pray the weight loss will be the one thing that will get our big fat positive!

I couldn't even start to describe how anxiously excited I am to have started on this journey....I have 6 months to loose 65 lbs; I.own.this.  

♥

Saturday L-O-V-E

Today is a very, very unusual Saturday....

1. My husband has to work.

2. I slept past 8:00.

This hasn't happened in like 5 years or so.  It's crazy and secretly, I'm looking for some me time to get some things done around the house. I made it to the gym earlier and did about 30-min of light cardio. It really was my first official day back so I didn't over do it, as that kicked my arse. I can't wait until I can go to the park and just run...run for miles. The last time I attempted C25K, I about bit the big one, by the 4th run. While at the gym, I signed up for the "Maintain, Not Gain" Challenge. It's $1 per week and it's designed to get us through the holiday season w/o weight gain. Each week we weigh in, if we maintain or loose, we get our name added to a drawing. At the end of the 10 weeks, we have a small banquet and prizes are given away.

My fill is good. I am consuming about 3/4 - 1 cup per meal. I can tell when I am done and easily push away. It's not a hard full, like I'm gonna get sick if I eat another bite sick, but a comfortable full. I think the portion is a bit higher than goal with band, but so much less than what I was putting away prior to my first fill.

I splurged today. QVC had a great deal on an e-reader (i.e. Kindle) for you guess it, "5 easy payments!" I've really been wanting one so I called and got one for my mother-n-law for Christmas as well. She is a huge reader. She will be Happy. Now I'm left with the perfect gift searching venture for my parents and the pops-in-law. I love the holidays.....only a few weeks until Thanskgiving!

I found these fabulous wraps at the store yesterday - 8g Protein, 5g of carbs, 71 calories and 2 fat per wrap. They are so yummy and seriously, the healthiest wrap I've found.

Wishing all my sweet banded lovelies a beautiful weekend.

a little bit of this, a little bit of that.....

Officially my least favorite part of this lovely journey, today was my first official day back on protein shakes since the liquid diet phase came to an end 3 weeks ago.  My doctor's office had some protein mix on clearance yesterday for $5. The box had 7 individual packs with 34g of protein per serving. Add 16 oz. of water, shake and enjoy. Might I add a few things: 1) It wasn't the best tasting stuff but tolerable. 2) It took me almost 3 hours to get all of this down 3) I can't wait until Sunday and can start back on soft foods. My major point: 3 hours to drink down a shake, insane. So happy my first fill left me restricted. The real results will come when I can start eating in a few days, but for now - very happy.

I had to reset all my goals. I based my goals off of day 1 post-op. Meaning, I thought I would have instant restriction, despite the scary strories about bandster hell. The first few days post-op, yes - I still believed. Next, bandster hell slowly set in and then a stall leading to a few pounds gained. I've adjusted accordingly based on my first fill:

goal 1:  235 [Halloween ]

goal 2:  220 [Thanksgiving]

goal 3: 199 [New Year's Day]

goal 4: 170 [10th Wedding Anniversary, 4/7]

Please offer feedback on those goals. I've asked and have been told they are very obtainable. Your thoughts?

I officially start the gym on Monday. Yes, my membership started several weeks ago but while in bandster hell, I was so discouraged I didn't go one time. Yes, I wouldn't have gained those few I feel but I did and that weigh in is over.

Leaving you this gorgeous fall day with a few fall pics with family ♥

 Hayride with my niece Rachel and nephew Caleb.

Sitting around the fire with my fabulous mother-n-law.

 Sleep-over! (w/ caleb, rachel and mary bea)

                                                            

 my ♥ J

And i'm off.....

Let me first say, I've not had any updates lately but have been keeping up with everyone. Work has been extremely busy as the end of the fiscal year came to a close. We've also been having my nieces and nephews on the weekends and with 5 extra additions, I barely have time to potty. I've missed everyone and look forward to jumping back into lovely blog land.

I've had no loss since my last update. If you remember I had hit bandster hell and hit hard. After the weeks of the liquid diets and softs slowly passed, the scales actually creeped up about 4 lbs. Thanks to those who got me through this ruff time...it meant so much.

Today was my first fill. The worst part was the numbing shot. It was a little worse than a bee sting but reminder: I am a big baby! I'm sure it's common but my fill was via fluoroscope. I have a Realize Band, 11cc and was totally empty. I received 6cc.  I was so nervous because I had ran into a lady at the gym several weeks back who had the band and saw my doctor and said he only did 1cc at a time. I was actually in panic stage; I would never loose. But I am very happy with my first fill and can't wait for the scales to start dropping! My next fill is scheduled for December 8.

The race has started; and she's off!

Please tell me.....

this is normal? On Wednesday I will be three weeks post-op. My lapo-incisions are perfect, I have no more pain, the swelling is gone - so no post-surgery restriction. In fact, it's as if none of this ever happened. I can't feel the band. I can eat and at normal portions. This is bandster hell, right? I have myself convinced that this isn't normal. I should have restriction and I should've just gotten the sleeve. Is everyone like this prior to their first fill? My weight-loss has stalled, which I'm totally bummed about. I pushed all my goals forward a month, so I could calcualte with my first fill, which is next Wednesday.

Feeling a bit gloomy and all alone.

Briefly

I've slowly been approved to transition from soft to solid foods, with my first fill being October 20th. Although I do have some type of restriction, I've been told swelling from the surgery, I can't clean a plate. I'm eating more than I know I will be able to post-fill. The transition is adding more calories to my diet, in which during the liquid phase I wasn't getting near 1,000 per day. I got to thinking that the additional calories probably have added to the scale being up around 2 pounds. I am still below 1,400 per day but my body is hanging on to what I get for dear life. I'm not angry as I know post fill, [hopefully] restriction will begin and the weightloss will pick up. I've got to get my first goal that is now -2 days late and get a move on my 2nd goal, which is Halloween.

I heard my Dr. give's 1cc fills each appointment, every 4-6 weeks. That scares the heck out of me! Would that even do anything?

Guess what?

Today is my birthday. I can't believe I am 31. It seems just like yesterday, I was counting the seconds until my 18th birthday, ready to take on the world as an adult. I thought I knew everything, yet was so innocent, so ignorant, so not ready. I stumbled a few times before I got the whole adult thing down and since have had a pretty lovely, simple life. Turning 30 last year brought lots of change for me, personally speaking. I learnt to be strong, stay strong, and let go. I've learned who the true people are in my world and I've learned to love wholly, including myself. I've always struggled with confidence and up until this past year it effected so many areas of my life; nothing major but some struggles here and there. I have a few more things I need to tweak and get down pat; those are works in process. I'm looking forward to the future. Here's wishing for skinny and babies within my next year of life.

I am little over a week post-op and things are slowly falling into what I would assume to be bandster hell?The last several days, eating slow I can keep it all down. I'm eating more than I know I should be and what I'll be able to with restriction. I have had some restriction but not like it should be. I've had a stuck episode once; it was painful. Eating slowly and chewing, chewing, chewing is a work in progress but getting better each day and I should be totally in habit by my first fill, which will be October 20th. Question: How many cc's were your first fill? How many fills did you get before you felt restriction?


On a yucky note, my first goal was to be down to 235 today. I didn't make it. The culprit? Since the pre-op liquid diet, I am having terrible problems with bowel movements. I've been going once per week, with aid of a laxative. To much information, I know and I apologize, anyone else have this problem?


I'm loving the fall weather and am looking forward to the lovely events that will soon be popping up for the seasons ahead. I'm ready to bring out the fall decor, light some yummy candles and enjoy some cider.