Flattery, for the first time.

Happy Monday! It's such a beautiful day here in East Tennessee. It's sunny, cool and breezy; love it! I don't think I mentioned before but I got sick last week, around Wednesday. Friday I left work early and pretty much stayed on the couch the entire weekend. I'm much better today and so happy to be out of the house. I hope everyone else is well. It's that time of year when the sniffles and coughs like to appear; be sure to sneak in some extra Vitamin C over the next few months!

Last week I posted that my restriction wasn't quite as good as it was the first few days following my first fill, October 21st, and that my next fill was scheduled 6-weeks out on December 8th. Although my numbers have continued to fall beautifully, my restriction kind of just isn't there. It's almost like I want to eat something naughty, to get stuck, to know it's still there. Each day I am relying more and more on willpower as hunger pains are becoming more frequent. With Thanksgiving coming up, I called my doctor today and requested a 4 week fill, instead of a 6 week fill; they scheduled me for next Thursday. This makes me happy! Thanksgiving turkey is my kryptonite and I was so, so nervous going through the big day without restriction. I'm nervous anyways, as this will be the first food centered event I've been to, post-op. So far, nothing has entered my mouth outside breakfast, lunch or dinner and nothing unhealthy, at that. My will-power has been great, but if I had to solely rely on it, I wouldn't be traveling this journey, right? So, many thanks to my fabulous surgeon's office for getting me in a wee bit earlier.

I wanted to share something fabulous with you. I received a text from a friend this morning, telling me what a motivator I have become how I have jump started their efforts to shed thier extra weight. This was all kinds of flattery. Especially from this paticular friend. She is gorgeous, smaller than me and for her to notice and to actually be motivated from me, well, is just lovely. I remember just 3 short months ago when I was a few pounds shy of my heaviest at 260. I was so out of shape and so unhappy about myself. None of my clothes were fitting and my self-esteem had officially plumitted to its lowest. point. ever. Now a few pounds shy of being in the 'teens, life is great and I love the gym. Know there is always someone who notices your efforts. If we are taking care of ourselves, others will notice. And if we are fortunate enough, we can inspire others to be healthy with us. Everyday, your blogs inspire me. From the bottom of my heart, thank you!

the rest of the story.....

Other than the obvious reason of wanting to loose weight, be healthy, have an explosion of self-esteem, wear cute clothes....the main reason of wanting to get the band was to aid in our fertility treatments.

Married 10 years this coming April, we became curious as to why we weren't with baby in the summer of 2005. I made mention to my PCP and she recommended we see a Fertility Specialist (Reproductive Endocrinologist - RE). Fortunately, we have a RE locally that is one of the best in the nation and although it took several months to get an appointment, we thought it was well worth the wait. Appointment 1: I was quickly diagnosed with PCOS, placed on Clomid to assist with egg development and ovulation and the hubbs was given a semen analysis. Two days later, I get a call telling me to discontinue the Clomid as the analysis came back reflecting zero sperm. We instantly went into denial; the test was corrupt. 2 years and 3 foster kids later, he decided to re-take the test. We went, he did, they called; zero. zilch. nada. I remember wiping the tears away from his shattered face as he faintly whispered, "I'm not even a man. A man could give my wife children. I'm a total failure". 

During the two years it took to face a second test, several things occurred. 

1. We became foster parents. We had 3 precious children over the course of 20 months. We were so blessed having made this decision and to become a part of their lives. Unfortunately, as foster parenting goes, it's not always permanent. It was an emotional hell and we still have moments of weakness. We loved them so. 

2. We realized why it took two years to re-test. Although I was ready to test instantly and we both just knew the results were product of a corrupt test, he couldn't get past the possibility of it being true. We were told during this time that there were exploratory procedures available to a) see if there was blockage preventing sperm to produce in the semen or b) to manually attempt to retrieve sperm - if just one, which could be used in IVF. He wasn't open to either, and reluctantly I supported him. I began wandering why he was being selfish. It's been two years...there are tests that could possibly be the answers to our prayers, there are procedures, there is hope; why in the world is he not moving forward with decisions. Wanting a child so bad, I assume these feelings were natural. Looking back it angers me I ever felt this way.

After the children left in September 2008 and we had the results of the second analysis; I began to research. I spent days and nights reading and hoping there was something; something - that would work and that we could afford; IVF wasn't financially an option. It was around this time I discovered Intrauterine Insemination (IUI) and Sperm Adoption. We quickly discussed and made a decision - this was it! 

A few weeks later, my neighbor of 4 years announced her pregnancy in early 2009. After congratulating her, it was revealed that her pregnancy was result of IUI - Intrauterine Insemination; Femara and Stimming (Fertility Shots). She got her positive on her 5th IUI. She gave me the name of her RE and I called. The procedure, affordable. The success rate, wonderful with PCOS patients. I quickly made an appointment and was connected with their Cryobank the same day. Although the initial reaction of having to use a cryobank, aka - sperm donation, was unsettling, the process has been smooth, reassuring and an answered prayer. We spent countless hours matching donor demographics to my husbands; we identified the perfect donor. 

Our appointment was late June, our first IUI in August. We have since had 3 failed IUI's; although I responded the best with my last treatment. With PCOS - I don't ovulate on my own or produce quality eggs. Weight plays a huge factor; which brings me to where we are now.

We've had such an emotional journey. 

I was banded September 22; what an answered prayer. 

The reasons for me lie so much deeper than the superficial reasons of wanting to loose weight; It's our hope. This could be the thing that could aid in the successful conception of a precious child...our child. 

I find so much encouragement and inspiration through all your lovely blogs. I know this band will work and I pray, pray, pray the weight loss will be the one thing that will get our big fat positive!

I couldn't even start to describe how anxiously excited I am to have started on this journey....I have 6 months to loose 65 lbs; I.own.this.  

♥