once again on halloween night....

...the air is filled with goolish delight. there's goblins, ghost, skeletons & witches, it's enuf to scare ya right out of your britches!! [lol] that was a poem my daddy and i wrote for a home work assignment, many...many...moons ago; it's amazing i still remember it!

aaah, halloween. great times as a kiddo - i think i was always a witch and my bro, dracula...no, no...one year i was an adorable little clown =) then as i got older - i used to hit some pretty awesome halloween parties - but haven't even been to those in a few years. so...i am excited about taking the kiddos trick or treating tomorrow! going with some friends who insist this subdivision gives out whole candy bars, ha!

sweet J and I have NO kids the weekend - yippee! we haven't not had both kids in a while; i can't bring myself to part with 'em both - although the time away is wonderful and enjoyed.
guess that's it for now. hey - im keeping this up this time around, so i pat myself on the back from a job well done.

until next time, give me five up high. two down low, break the pickle....tickle. tickle. ~giggle

weekend update

not much to talk about from this weekend - we had pumpkin carving night on Saturday night - it was great! everyone's pumpkins turned out marvelous! the kids had a great time. we had my in-law's foster kids this weekend; they were great and it was kind of a relief to us because our kids were entertained all weekend long - so there was a huge cut back in whining! haha! [always a great thing!]

blah, blah, blah

like most everyone else, there are times that we evaluate our friends and the relationships that we have with them. now although this is not something that i do often, it can be necessary from time to time. my biggest gripe within my friends are the ones that I have had relationships with the longest but feel that the added benefits of that and the jist of it all, are often forgotten. personally, if i have been friends with someone for a coons age, years upon years, even if i dont talk to them everyday or don't see them as often as i would like - they are not demoted to any less of a friend, they are still my number 1. i feel on the receiving end of things...thats not always the case for me. i feel that the more i dont personally make an effort to call or see someone - its turns into a real life myspace page - and im demoted out of the #1 or #2 spot in their lives. and i feel that is wrong. to me, unless something bad happens between us, no matter how busy our lives get - they are always going to be my top friends - plus, its always fun to sit and catch up for hours. so, i often start a personal battle with myself - on rather they are in the right and im just being picky and non-understanding or rather i am in the right - and they need to stop being childish and understand that lives get busy but that doesnt make me anyless of a friend.
we've had 2 groups of friends lately who have had a falling out amongst them - leaving some in the middle of things. ive been within one group....2 people had falling outs with one person. ive really analyzed this in my head like crazy - and my thoughts; im friends with them all. i love 'em all to death. and i want to continue my friendships with all of them. but i get the feeling that i shouldn't because i was closer to one of the friends involved, have been friends with her for the longest but feel like im getting the silent treatment over it. that's wrong on her part, right? as i said - i love them all and my friendships shouldn't suffer because of drama that didn't involve me. well, i'm standing my grounds on this one....

i had a lunch date

ok, i got out of the house yesterday...went to lunch with a friend. ok, seriously - that was my social event of the last 3 months. ha! it was great; really helped the slump i'm in. got another lunch with another friend on Tuesday....so, im making progress. i realize, one of those things that you don't want to realize, but ya do anyways.....that i think alot of the decline in my social status as been my fault - maybe i do make too many excuses on why i shouldn't leave the house. well crisis adverted; there shall be no more excuses! my social life will prevail.

on a lighter note - i saw they are making a sequel to Sex in the City - the wedding! i did not know this and am way excited....ive got to get the box sets and re-watch them all. oooh, i love that show and am one that hated to see the finale. this weekend we are doing respit for my in-law's 2 foster children, 4 &6....so i'll be rather busy. not sure if im really up for it or not - so today i'm going to totally chillax until they get here at 500. well, that's it for now.

friendly advice always helps

ok, after my blog yesterday, a very close, wonderful and up-front friend - told me what i needed to hear to kick these blues i've been having. everything she said was perfect and couldn't have been said at a much better time! we both agreed that ive been on the pitiful potty to long now - and need to get off the pot [aka - out of this blah slump] and pull my big girl britches from the drawer. she reminded me of how long we have wanted to be parents. how excited we were to have completed our classes and how anxiously we waited our first placement. she cleared things up on the bad friend part; just because i cant go and do as i used to with everyone, anymore - does not make me a bad friend - - it would make them a bad friend for not understanding...which they all do; its i who feels guilty and like ive abandoned them. anywho, after our little chat last night; i'm happy to have been thrown a rope and pulled up out of this poor is me hole i've been in for the past month or so! i am very happy with my life. love my kids to death. am surrounded by wonderful friends. am healthy & happy- so no more tears, uuugh, what have i been thinking?! so next time...on too a happier note!

where have i gone?

ok, two days in a row....my efforts are starting off strong. today on my mind is a recent comment made by my best buddy. she recently went on a vaca to the sunshine state to visit her dad and his family. while there she went to a mall, which of course is nothing compared to our fabulous west town mall. she said, "after a trip to FL i realize that Coach and Louis Vuitton bags are a must and everyone had high heels on at the mall. everyone was high maintenance. i would fit in perfect there." yes, my girl is a bit of high maintenance....and i am as well, except only in a different way now. kids has totally changed me. my shopping habits have decreased something awful - a month used to add no less than 15 new outfits, 5-10 pairs of shoes and a few purses, not to mention several pieces of jewelery and my closet stock supply of purfumes and lotions. I - was the definition of high maintenance. now - when is the last time i went on a shopping frenzy, had an entire weekend of retail therapy?? my high maintenance status now consists of everyone in my house being on a schedule that must be adhered to, putting toys back in their place, clothes where they go, shoes in thier closet, plates in the dishwasher when thier dirty....my high maintenance status is my household. i was so prissy, literally. now, it's 100% kids. now, the kids are 100% joy...but im not suppose to loose myself within it all. at times i get soooo jealous of my single friends, i mope around. i miss the spontaneous plans to hit the local bars for happy hour, or spending friday nights out on the town, saturday mornings at the mall and nights with the gang. as i just turned 28 i feel so much older than i am - and i hate it. i guess im kind of referring back to the "fast forward" thing my life feels like its been in lately. i don't want feel so old. i want to be young again and have more of the laid back, spontaneous fun that we used to have. now its kids get home from school....cook....homework....tv...bathtime...bedtime...get kids ready for school...do laundry, clean, run errands...and wait for them to get back home. i know alot of people that have kids and they have more of a social life than I do. i've fell in a slump. i need to get out....someone, PLEASE throw me a rope....i'm waiting....and reaching.....

starting, again

ok, well as always i don't keep up with this but am going to make another atempt. things have been going ok. tater is doing good in school and mostly at home, other than the few things we continue to work on that are all just results of the home life she grew up in before getting placed with us. connor is still sweet as a button; he really is no problem. we decided to keep him home with us for now instead of sending him to preschool - we are waiting to get into another one closer to home. my little PT job didnt work out a week that i mentioned in an earlier blog - DCS had a fit because I was working for someone who had formerly saw tater - it was a big stink. DCS is such a joke at times; I seriously don't understand their purpose.

sweet J and I are doing good; still enjoying the quiet times we have with school being back in session. My social life is still in the deficit to what it should be and it still bothers me. I've recently been made aware that I have so much going on that it gets hard at times to even remember what I did yesterday; it seems at times my life truly is in fast foward....and im trying to identify what i need to do to slow it down. more 'me' time for sure, would help. ive been such a bad friend lately...i never can get out and see people, go to events ive been invited too, i either can't get a sitter or its during a time i can get the sitter and hubby and i have plans or im just so exhausted from doing all the other million things i have to do - i prefer to stay in and crash in my room - escaping from the life outside my bedroom door for a while; but that happens very rarely because i can either never get the time or it gets quickly interupted by kids. hopefully i can just put on the brakes and reconnect with me and find what i need and want to be happy. i think im turing into my mother more and more each day; she has always put others first, no matter what - and i am doing the same thing. although thats a great value to have; its very exhausting and at the end of the day leaves me feeling again that i never give me any time. my friends any time. but i'm determined. operation me time: underway.