Thursday, November 11, 2010

Will this go away?

Quickly, as a fan of The Biggest Looser, I was very disappointed in voting results from Tuesday's show. Seriously, to the point of tears. Voting should be based on efforts and results not fueled by the end prize of money. Why does it have to be all about gameplay. I would think being there would have a bigger meaning. I'm also not thrilled with this years episodes of Glee. It's seems they are focused soley on pressing  issues in your face and have steered away from the purpose of the show, singing and music. I hope it survives. Moving on....

Last night I stepped out of my box and met a friend to hit the trail behind the gym. History: We worked together 10 years ago and were pretty close. We grew apart over the years and reconnected via Facebook about 2 years ago. We've been taking classes together at the gym but nothing one on one. She is a runner. She is working toward an 8k on Thanksgiving Day. I was nervous. She is so advanced to my fitness level and I thought she would make us run the entire 2-3 miles. It turned out not to be torture and I was able to jog about 5-7 minutes. I could not believe the difference of running on the park trail vs. the treadmill. I can do 1.5-2 miles on the treadmill and run for 20-25 straight minutes. It was a nice change of pace and in lovely weather. Tonight were back from BodyPump and Zumba. I'm 7.4 away from Thanksgiving goal.

Although I am down 31-pounds, I still see and feel the 258.8 girl. Compliments are daily and everyone is going on and on about how much I have lost. It makes me feel wonderful, honestly. I feel when I follow up my thank you's with "I really don't see it", that I could get a returned eye roll. But I don't see it nor do I feel it. I feel as fat as ever. Even my clothes that are fitting so loose and my newer smaller sizes, I still.just.feel.the.before.fat.  Will I hit my goal (170) and still feel like the largest person in the room? I want to feel as good as I am looking. I want to feel that people are just looking at me and not with a secret agenda of thinking about how overweight I am. I want to see the smaller me in gym classes instead of feeling like the unproportioned blob in the middle of the room. Will this go away?


  1. I'm with you on both the Biggest Loser AND Glee!!! On BL, it's really sad that there is so much game-play and they don't just vote for the people who deserve to be there. And Glee, something is just off this season.

    Way to go on the jogging on the trail! YOu are a better woman than I! I couldn't run to save my life! I hate it and I need like 3 sports bras to hold the ladies down!!

    31 lbs is great! It's hard to accept compliments but you'll get used to it b/c they'll just keep on coming!!! You are doing great!

  2. BL was sad, but I totally expected it. I wish I could say I would do differently, but, honestly, I don't know. In part, you are voting off people in order to win money, but you are also voting off people so you have less competition so you get to stay on the ranch longer. I think that's what would make me get involved in the gameplay - not the money, but the chance to stay longer. But I totally get what you are saying. I'm glad there was a happy ending.

    Your post just gave me the push I needed to make a move to get an exercise buddy. I did a post on my gym's facebook page asking if anybody wanted to meet up and work out together. It is so much more fun working out with a friend.

  3. My mom and I were just talking about Glee this morning! I am not really at all interested in it any more for those reasons! Happy to catch an episode but I will not go out of my way to watch it!

    Way to go on the running! When I lost 50 the last time I was up to running/jogging. I'd like to try again soon.

    I know what you mean about being/feeling like the biggest girl in the room. I keep trying to think about what I will feel like 75lbs lighter. And will that be enough? Will I ever feel (I hate to use this word..but) normal?

  4. Our own eyes and feelings are unfortunately the most critical of all eyes.. For example, have you ever been out, and noticed a small stain in the middle of your print blouse or sweater - YOU know it's there, and it bugs you, makes you self conscious - when in reality you are the ONLY one who knows it's there! You ARE beautiful, inside and out and on so many levels - I want you to believe it. Believe it all the way deep down and know it - know what we've all be learning the more we get to know you.

  5. Maybe you need to post some side-by-side comparrison shots to really start to see the changes. I know it really hit me right around 40 lbs. That's when people starting noticing and I was a couple of sizes down.

  6. Hey Nikki! I finally found you so have just caught up with your blog. The new name and blog design are fantastic. Did you do the banner yourself? Looks fab.

    Well done on the weightloss. You have been so committed the whole way. And the jogging, that is impressive too.

    Re the IVF treatment you having coming up, I really wish you the best of luck.

    So glad I found you again. V.

  7. Yes, the feeling will go away. As you lose more weight, you will begin to feel better and better about yourself. You have to, because it is true! My daughter lives in AZ and every time I see her, she says the coolest things to me. She says my hands are smaller and I just feel smaller to her when she gives me a hug. More times than not, she says my clothes are way too big for me and to never wear them again! You are doing an awesome job so far!

  8. Nikki---I am soooo proud of you! You are so committed to this journey and the end result. Your commitment to exercise is fantastic and no cheating? Well, that speaks for itself! YOU are a beautiful person and your head will eventually catch up with the rest of your body. Keep enjoying the compliments and make a genuine effort to not follow each one with a "but". Keep in touch! Kat


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