Thursday, December 6, 2007

he ruffled my tail feather

well, after a conversation between me and [at this time] not so sweet hubby had last night, it was brought to me attention that no one can do anything right, in my eyes. as he was talking, a my head just lay there on his shoulder....a tear formed and dropped on my cheek...then ran across me nose. i finally turned over - because at this point, i hadn't said anything and didnt feel it to be in my best interest if i did. so i rolled over, hugged my pillow and just continued to listen....when he then said, "see now ive either hurt your feelings or ive pissed you off; i should've kept my mouth shut." i sat up, turned to look at him and said, "im glad you told me, but if i just sat and said the things to you, that you just told me, you wouldve had your feelings hurt also". i turned my light off, scooted as far away from him as i could, before a limb would have to dangle off the bed, and laid my head down".

i didn't sleep good. i couldn't cuddle with him; trying to stand what little ground i had in the whole convo. i constantly woke up to see if he was still in bed.

as morning rolled around.....the same thoughts that i had fallen asleep with, hadn't escaped me. ya know what. i do nag. im a nagger. because i have to constantly walk behind everyone and re-do everything they've done. or constantly re-tell everyone what they need to do, again, for the 1 millionth time. and yes, whatever they do most of the time don't please me, because they half-ass do it. they hurry through it - so they can hurry and get back to doing what they want. clarity: yes i know i am a stay at home mom for now, and keeping the house clean and all is my main responsibility.....but damnit, im not going to do it all. i shouldn't have to walk behind each and everyone of them and pick up after them. there is a dishwasher for dirty dishes. hampers for dirty clothes. closets for shoes and clean clothes. a place for towels when your done with them. cabinets and a fridge for you to put food back, your done eating. toys boxes for toys when your done playing. toolboxes for tools when your done list could go on and on. so yes, i appreciate him sitting there telling me what a nagging bitch i can be- but i wouldn't be - if they would DO thier damn part.

Con - i don't mind picking up after him - he's 4 and makes very little messes. but as for tbug and hubby; im over it! and it really gets under myskin when he gets on to her for not picking up after herself; he's worse than she is.

i know i got this from my momma. although, maybe not to the extent i take it. but i live in a nice house. with nice things. and i want them to be taken care of so they can last until i want newer things. im not their slave. im not their maid. im his wife. their mother. im not treated like it at all. im so fed up with being taken for granted; and then being sat and told it's my fault.

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