We recently went on a trip to the mountains with a couple of our friends for a belated Valentine's Day weekend. We had a wonderful weekend doing a few touristy things and hanging close to the cabin. Our little group loves pictures and you can always guarantee someone at all times will have a camera in your face.
That's just how we roll.
Although photography is an addiciton of mine, I've never been one for having my pictures taken and for years have had my own set of little rules, 1. I take my own. You know the extend your arm out as long as you can reach, then angle sideways and tilt - to get the "skinny" version of yourself, smile and snap, 2. The pictures are taken on my camera, so I could delete the horrible ones or 3. I review all pictures on all cameras and have permission to delete the bad ones of me.
High maintenence, I know.
But the reality of it was, I never knew how big I had really gotten until I saw pictures of myself. See, I walked around and felt skinny even though the days of sqeezing into a size 22 were quickly coming to and end. Each day I looked in the mirror and just saw the cute clothes; I just didn't see the fat...until I saw pictures. They always told the truth; the fat, ugly truth. I feel so little truth and memorable moments over the last ten years were lost because I deleted so many captured moments due to my low selfesteem or the truth I wanted to deny, or both.
Yesterday, I was talking to a co-worker who had made mention about my weight loss. During conversation I randomly said, "you know we went to the cabin last weekend and out of all 300 pictures, I didn't delete a one". And that, that just kind of blurted out. And in that moment I realized that it hadn't even crossed my mind, that the entire weekend away I not one time applied one of my silly little rules during pictures. In fact, we took a ton of pictures, mostly full body, and I eagerly posed for them and didn't ask to see or didn't review to delete. This my friend, is a huge, huge NSV for me.
I don't remember the last time I had confidence, maybe never, but I do now & it feels soooo amazing.
Thank you, band! I love you more and more each day.