blue, blue, blue christmas

i love christmas! it really does put a feeling in the air that gives me the warm cozies! growing up, i had a wonderful childhood. although as i got older, i showed out a bit too much, but younger years - it was great. my mom and dad always made our christmas's wonderful! the tree was beautiful. daddy decorated the house with lights. we would have these big dinners and both mamaw's houses. my brother and i would always wake up super early to open gifts....and then i would call my cousin first thing to tell of what we got. i miss the close christmas's like we had...now, everyone has grown up. has their own families. their own children. i guess im like my momma, i hate change!

another thing that saddens me is not being in the house i grew up in. see, back when jamie and i got married, we moved to kingston, shortly after, to live in my granny's house on the lake. during that time, mom and dad decided to sale the property and buy them a new house...in which we were going to buy thier house...the house i grew up in. all was going according to plan. property sold. new house bought. but then it fell through due to selfish, cruel people in my family [aunt/uncle]. i was hurt. no, no...we were crushed. how could they take something away from that was going to be ours....how could they hurt thier sister like that. and how could the mom stand for it?? for years, i've had anger. so much anger. it's always been kind of a unmentioned thing.....what happened, happened. and that's enough said about it. but that's not how it should be. because now - my aunt's daughter is living in my uncles house....right next door to the house that we were suppose to get. the same DAMN situtation. but it's alright for little precious and her hubby to live there. i know some things u are suppose to let go and move on, exspecially when it comes to your family....but this was just vad!. my teenage years, i lived with them trying to overpower everyone and dictating what i should/shouldn't do. they are mean. plain mean. no one EVER apologized for what happened. no one. and now I am suppose to go there, with a smile on my face? it's hard. so hard. me and hubby were hurt very bad. something from my parents was going to be given to us...and it was all taken away, while my parents were doubled screwed in the process! it's just not fair! i pray that these feelings go away - but it's been 6 years and they haven't. karma's a bitch; they will get theirs. im sure of it. family or not.