I've fallen so far off the wagon, I totally suck.

Call me names, if you wish.

I don't really have excuses, but I can offer reality.

Our world was rocked a few months ago when my brother, who had been married for 17 years and has 5 precious children, came to my parents and announced the bitch wife had left him for a drug dealer and he needed to move in with the kids. This hit the family like a bomb. Total shock. She had been such a great mother, we thought good wife, but little did we know of her addiction to pills for the past several years which finally took control of her and cast her into craziness. So instantly, my parents had an extra 6 bodies and alot to deal with. Everyone is ok and after 8 long months, he and the kids have settled happily into their new home.

Our fertility journey. Let me see. I last updated everyone we were going to start again in April. Since we had already had 3 failed cycles, my RE wanted to do an HSG to ensure I had no blockage. This test hurt more than anything I had ever experienced. The results? Both tubes 100% blocked. We were rather annoyed this test hadn't been done before we spent all the time and money on the previous 3 treatments and almost 2 years of emotional hell. But, through faith we found understanding and were happy we finally knew what the problem was all along! I had surgery on May 20th to unblock my tubes. Additionally, mild endometreosis and scar tissue found during surgery was removed as well. The surgery was a complete success and we moved instantly into our 4th treatment. I started all the lovely fertility drugs last Tuesday. My scan is June 1 to see how many follies I have and my IUI should be this Friday, which falls on my hubby's birthday. My Dr. feels 95% confident that I will conceive within the next 1-3 cycles. We're hoping this one will be it of course! Please keep us in your prayers? I'll keep you posted on tests results!

Amongst all of this, we've had work, school and church. Down time consists of laundry and yard work. So, there hasn't been anytime for blogging. I have hopped on a time or two to read so I wouldn't totally be lost when I was able to rejoin the "family".

On the weight loss front, I feel off the bandwagon for several, several weeks through all this stress. I pretty much gained/lossed the same 4 lbs. for almost 2 months and haven't been to the gym since either. I finally got my head back in the game the day of surgery, and did the 5-day pouch. It seemed to be just what I needed. It really does work on cutting out those bad habits. As of yesterday's weigh-in I am 194.4. I'm in a size 12/14 and plan on hitting the gym tomorrow! (They closed early today). I'm so close to reaching so many personal goals - I can't stand it! The excitement pushes me through each day. I'm back to journaling my meals, pre-planning and preparing. Not eating out except one "treat" meal a week. I feel fabulous and am so happy I'm back!

NSV: I have fit into the 2 pairs of jeans I've saved since the year after I met my husband! I swore to myself I would fit into them again someday. Also, I fit into a pair of size 14s at American Eagle! I'm totally out of Lane Bryant! This is such a HUGE, HUGE victory for me!

I leave you with a few Summer 2010/Summer 2011 progress pics. It will take me several days to catch up!

Comparison - May 2010/May 2011
(Pardon the horrid before picture. Sad thing, when I was at the beach, I felt cute. BARF!)

& breathe.

The past few weeks have been a whirlwind, so much so I can't even sit and gather thoughts of what to write.

Work, Church, Fertility Treatments and our 10th Wedding Anniversary, top the list.

If you would like to follow our fertility journey, you can here.

I have so much catching up to do and will as soon as I can. I hope everyone is doing great and reaching their goals!

For now, I'll leave you with pictures of our wedding day and a few from our 10th year weekend!

Twelve years ago, he swept me off my feet. We married April 7, 2001; the happiest day of my life.

I love you, Jamie Ray! ♥

Celebrating 10 years in the mountains. [poor guy was so sick :( ]

Week 5 Challenge Results

 

Here it is ladies, Week 5 results:

 

Our biggest looser this week was Stephanie at http://electricladyband.blogspot.com/. She lost 4.6 lbs and 2.2% this week! Awesome girl! 

 

As a group we are up to a total of 216.7 lbs!

 

Keep up the GREAT work!!!!

Week 4 Challenge Results

Here it is ladies, Week 4 results:

Our biggest looser this week was Jen at http://thecurvycat.blogspot.com/. She lost 5.5 lbs and 3.0% this week! Awesome girl! [sorry I'm running so far behind!!!!]

As a group we are up to a total of 179.8 lbs!

Keep up the GREAT work!!!!

I'm a looser.

& not in on the scales but as a blogger and host of the weight loss challenge. I'm an HR Director for a government entity and with the impending shut-down last week, my world was crazy. Almost 90% of my workforce was threatened with a Furlough, so I barely had time to breath.

So, so sorry!

I am about to post last weeks results and will post this weeks results shortly after.

Missed everyone!!

Wednesday Weigh-in

Starting weight: 258.8

Last weeks weigh-in: 205.1

This weeks weigh-in: 198.3

     

-6.8

Total loss: 60.5

♥

Our Fertility Journey

I imported my fertility blog over to this account, if you would like to follow to take a peek into our journey. To visit, go here.

Happy news....we are officially proceeding with our 4th treatment!!! I started Provera today to induce a cycle so we could begin.

Stop by and see where we're at! If you share a similar journey, let me know!

Week 3 Challenge Results

Here it is ladies, Week 3 results:

Our top 3 biggest loosers this week are:

1. Nikki - Chasing Skinny.

I finally kicked the binge poundage and entered back into Onederland. I lost 6.8 lbs. for a total of 3.3%! I had a huge 5.3 lb gain last week, if you remember - so my overall % is still low because of that fiasco.

2. Amber - Jewell in the Rough

She had a wonderful week. She lost 5 lbs. for a total of 2.4%. Great job girl!!!

3. Leslie - Band Sweet Band

She kicked tail at the gym all week long and had an awesome 6.6 lbs. loss for a total of 2.1%.

As a group we lost 62.8 lbs, for challenge total of 180.6!

We're all doing so well! Keep up the great work. If you find yourself in a moment of crisis, reach out to the blog world through a post or email. That's what we're all here for!!!

Happy Monday, beauties.

The five-day pouch went perfect and the scales reflect. I am actually continuing on into day six. It's so easy. I love protein; so why not? If your stuck in plateuville or in a lil bit of a lul, try it out.

Just a reminder to send your weights in for the Spring Challenge! I hope everyone had a wonderful 3rd week! Remember...bathing suit weather is upon us :)

~hugs to all.

Days 1 & 2 of the five-day pouch...check!

Liquids are done and if I may brag wee little bit; I did quite well. This morning I had the best.tasting.eggs, ever. Yes, they were scarmbled a la microwave style here at the office, but having not ate in 2 days, they were eggcellent! I also had 2 pieces of turkey bacon. I sat down and ate what I could in 15 minutes, just like a good little girl. I was able to finish about half the egg and both pieces of bacon. For lunch, I brought sweet and spicy tuna. Yummy. Today and tomorrow will be soft proteins. I also picked up some Chobani last night to try. I'm not a yogurt person at all, but Grace and Amanda have a mad love for it, so I wanted to try it out. I brought it for lunch today also. I have to admit, the commericals make it look so.damn.good.

So, I think I kind of jumped the gun last week with the big loss into onederland. I kept getting 199.something. Twice I got 196 - of course, I went with that. So, I think my true, true weight was 199.6, not 196.8, as reported. During the horrrrrrible weekend I had last week, all 5 days of it, I had jumped back up to 205.1. So with that number, and let me say that was mostly sodium weight, as I didn't eat THAT much, I know I really didn't get down to 196. My sweet and always supportive husband tried to maybe suggest that, but seeing I was so excited - he drifted off into being silent about it. The last few days have made the scale move way down and I know I will be back down to pre-sabotage weight by the end of the weekend. Life is good.

So, I have a bit of personal junk I wanna ask your opinion about. I try to keep that out of blog world but I feel your unbiased guidance may help.

Flashback: 2008 I became friends quickly with these 2 girls. One was a roomate of my childhood best friend and the other was the above roomates childhood best friend. We clicked quickly and became as close as sisters. In August 2009 there was something minor happened that was ultimately blown out of proportion, that caused one of the girls and I to drift apart and because she had been life long friends with the other girl, she too drifted away. In June of last year, church brought us back together. But, we aren't the same. They never call, text, FB, email. They always want to "get together" but only make plans amongst each other; the only texts I do get state how much I'm missed, loved and how we need to get together - but yet never get invites. I used to ask them to get together all the time, but after the "yes we need to's" never evolved into anything - I just kind of stopped. My question is, do I just need to move on? My fear is letting go will hurt so bad, yet my husband tells me the emotional hell I'm being put through is ten times worse. I look at it even further and realize that there really isn't anything here to actually let go of, right? I mean, we've done nothing since July of last year. Do I talk to them about it? Or do I just gracefully bow out? I shall say I have lots of beautiful, close friendships; I am truly blessed.  Your thoughts?

Can I please get some cheese with my wine?

Day one, Success!

So I had a fill yesterday and decided to stay strong and go ahead and see what the five-day pouch test was all about. Yesterday was a great success and I am half way into the 2nd day of full liquids, and I'm doing great.

Day 1

Breakfast: Pure Protein Shake
Lunch: 1 cup Butternut Squash Soup
Snack: 1 cup Chicken broth with herbs
Dinner: Pure Protein Shake

Day 2

Breakfast: Pure Protein Shake
Lunch: 1 cup Southwestern Corn Soup, Pure Protein Shake
Snack: 1 cup Butternut Squash Soup
Dinner : Pure Protein Shake, 1/2 cup Fat Free Refried Beans, reduced w/ water.

I'm sure my new fill has had something to do with little/no hunger pains and the mental drive to make it through. All liquids is never easy, rather it be pre or post band.  My big, big goal is to quit the drinking before/after meals as I had had picked up along the way; I can really tell the negative impact of that no-no.

Kind of quiet around here today, but super busy. That's all I have for now.

If you're participating in the challenge - hope you're having a wonderful week!

Fill 'er up

The good thing about fill days is I get to scoot out of the office early and have a long afternoon. Sometimes weekends seem forever away, and this has been exactly one of those weeks.

My visit went well. I noticed I had major port tenderness this time before the bee sting numbing shot. I've never had port pain before so that was odd. And it didn't help the medical student was given access to do the fill and she couldn't find it and poked around even more; oouchie! 

So, I went in thinking I had 8.2cc from my last fill. However he said I was at 8.6cc last fill and was measuring today at 8.2cc; so he added .6cc for a total of 8.8cc. I've indulged in some chicken broth since I've been home and it's went down slowly. What a welcomed feeling! 

I've made it over half the day on pure liquids so I believe I will go ahead with the five-day pouch test and get back on track and detox from the bad things that have slowed down the loss over the past several weeks. I will also revisit new band behaviors; weighing meat portions, eating slowly and only until content, no drinking 30 minutes before/after meals. Right now I am going to take one day at a time. I know days 1 & 2 of the pouch being all liquids will be the hardest; it makes me cringe just thinking of it. 

Question: I know our daily protein goal is a minimum of 70g. What does your surgeon/nutritionist recommend on daily carb intake?

Just a quick note also, I've kind of been behind this week on commenting - but I have been reading! 

Ready, set, go....

Thank you for your support today during my moment of crisis. What could I do without you?


♥


Today is my 6 month bandiversary; it seems unreal.

I've done fabulous.

I'm very happy with my weight loss.

Tomorrow, I get a fill [I'm very, very happy about that]

So, here I am....standing up, dusting off and moving on.


All you girls that went to the NY Brunch, looked fabulous. Again, jealous! ;)

S.O.S

A huge appetite, bad habits and total disregard for my joyous ONEderland accomplishment last week - this describes the last five days of my life. I've had a really rough time. It started here....and only got worse.

I had a fill scheduled last week, in which I was called to cancel as my surgeon was going to be out of the office. It was fine, I thought at the time. I wasn't going to get one anyway, as I felt I was in my happy zone. By the time the weekend had rolled around, one would think my band had been punctured and all the fill quickly leaked out. I've had no restriction since. I've been able to eat bread, pizza, and *hanging my head in shame, Shoney's Breakfast Bar....even worse, 2 plates full.

What in the world has happened?

How did I got from a state of euphoria for reaching ONEderland and such an intense level of focus to having such an awful, awful weekend. The appetite is one thing; the choices I made are an entire issue within itsself.

I am sitting at what I thought was around 8.2cc in my 10 cc band. How in the hell can I not have perfect restriction? Luckily, I called today and can get in for a fill tomorrow.

Until then, yell at me. slap my hand. scold me.

Please.

I'm embarassed, ashamed. And worst of all, disappointed in myself. For those who I had inspired, I am sorry I let you down so horribly.

Challenge Week 2 Results

Here it is ladies, Week 2 results:

 

Our biggest looser this week was Ronnie at Ronnie's Bandumentary! She lost 7lbs and 3.0% this week!

 

Way to girl!

 

As a group we lost 38.6 lbs, for challenge total of 126.9!

 

Keep up the great work, ladies!

Week 3 - Spring Challenge

[click picture to enlarge]



With success,

......you will always have failure.

First of all, thank you everyone for your lovely comments of support yesterday on my onederland post. It's been a fabulous journey; the best of my life. I started blogging, like most, to simply hold accountable my day to day actions and decisions so I could look back and reference from time to time. And here I am with so many wonderful followers, with developing friendships, with a reading list of your journey's that I look forward to starting my day off with. I love it here. ♥

But, with success, there are always moments of failure. We all know this all to well. Yesterday, what started as a treat turned into a fail, of epic proportion. My kryptonite: Girl Scout Cookies [Thin Mints]. I talked about this a few weeks ago. And again, I failed. I was on my way home and a girlfriend called saying my cookies had arrived. Crap! I had totally forgotten I ordered these. And even worse, five, yes f-i-v-e boxes. What the hell was I thinking? I thought back and sure enough, I ordered during my fill-hell in Janaury. Stupid girl! I didn't want to cancel and hurt her little girls feelings so I went to pick them up. I wasn't going to have any!

All the way down the road, I kept looking in the box...3 Samoas, 2 Thin Mints. Nope, not going to have them. I already had a mental list going of who I was going to gift them too. I ran to the bank, stopped at the grocery store and it was on my way home at the last red light out of town, I was checking nutrition labels and decided Thin Mints were healthier and I would have one serving. So I open the box, open the plastic, and before I know it - two cookies were devoured.....in seconds. I still had 2 to go. Score!

As you probably know thin mints come in two individually wrapped columns of cookies, 16 cookies per column. An hour and a half later, I had ate an.entire.column. 16 cookies. 3 servings too many. 640 calories. 32 fat. What had I just done? I had even pushed through the tummy ache that this had caused to finish the remaining few cookies.

Disgusted.

J's sister knocked at the door and with them, I sent home the remainder of the cookies; the rest of my box, 1 new box of Thin mints and 2 boxes of Samoas...I let sweet hubby keep one box.

I was emotionally sick the rest of the afternoon. How could a treat turn into sabotage? How could I reach such a huge milestone, 12-hours earlier, and then binge on stupid cookies?

This morning when I woke, the guilt had pretty subsided and I had been left with the feeling of a new day. A new chance. We all fall weak. We all fail at times. One decision, one bad decision, doesn't define my journey.

As much as I love the success I had to hold myself accountable for this fail, and post.

Happy St. Patty's Day, my friends.

♥

ONEderwoman is in 'da house!

Starting Weight: 258.8

Last weeks weigh-in: 200.4

This weeks weigh-in: 196.5

     

-3.9

Total loss: 62.3

♥

Good-bye 200's, forever.

I write this post as my eyes are filled with tears and my heart, happiness. I can't believe I'm here. I made it. I'm out of the 200's forever. What a feeling!

Today marks several little victories:

1. Onderland

2. 60 pounds lost

3. .6 away from being out of the "Obese" BMI range.

I've not seen the 100's since the late 90's and it was only then for a brief time. I've been obese all my adult life and this, this is surreal. I never, ever thought I would see this side again. Even with the band, my poor self esteem always talked me down; always talked me out of the possibilites.

Last night I went to Zumba. It's of course in the main studio where mirrors surround you. For the first time, I didn't feel like the big girl in the class. For the first time, I didn't wanna run out and leave because the sight of myself in the mirror was nauseating. For the first time, I looked at myself and saw the much smaller version. I might've looked like a dork with my poor dance/aerobic skills - but being happy with myself, I didn't care.

Having done diet, after diet, after diet - my entire adult life, I really didn't know how the band was going to change that. Sure, I would eat smaller portions but I would still have to diet, right? Not at all. Over the last 5 months, I've learnt what the whole "Lifestyle Change" thing really is. All the many changes I've made personally just amaze me. I just never, ever thought I'd be someone healthy and live for a healthy lifestyle. The band brought me so much more than smaller portions; it changed my life, as a whole.

With 25 to go until I reach my goal, I've got this. I know the scale won't be as speedy as the first 62 pounds and that is fine. I've got happiness. And I've not had happiness in so, so long. And that my friends, is the biggest victory.
  

Challenge Week 1 Results

Here it is ladies, Week 1 results:

Our biggest looser this week was Stephanie at Electric Band Lady! She lost 8lbs and 3.7% this week! Way to girl!

As a group we lost 88.3 lbs! Fantastic week!

This morning was most definitely a morning where I could've easily played hookie from work and slept the day away. The house was cooled comfortably, my furbaby was snuggled up so close, it was overcast and rainy. But, I peeled myself up and made my way in. I was supposed to be at the beach this week. Our oldest niece Rachel is on Spring Break and she had asked if we could go. We had every intention to go but due to my husband's blackout season at work (no vacations or PTO March 1 - June 4) we can't go. In fact, we won't be able to go until June 4th, which we take yearly for his birthday trip. Next month we celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary and it's kind of a bummer we can't take a trip. But we've decided to proceed with our 4th fertility treatment next month. I hope being down 60 lbs will have reversed that stubborn 'ol PCOS and we will conceive. God has a plan and I trust fully in him. [If your listening this morning big guy, I'd love to have a December baby, Amen!]

Last night I had another huge NSV at the gym. Last week on the elliptical, I did 3.2 miles in 40:20. Last night I cut over 10 minutes off and did 3.1 [which is a 5k] in 29:29. I tore that bad boy up! I felt fabulous! Tonight, I'm feeling up for a little back to back action with BodyPump and Zumba; it's been since Christmas that I hit both up in one night. I'm gonna try to recruit the niece to come with me. My only gym buddy is training for a half-marathon and isn't doing classes right now. It really makes a difference to me having someone to workout with, especially the classes.

Speaking of the gym, if you have a smart phone such as a Blackberry, iPhone or Droid - have you checked out the Pandora app? It is the GREATEST! Download the app, create an account (online is easier) and in the search box type "Black Eyed Peas". From there, it builds your radio station with all upbeat songs, awesome for working out! You can of course like or dislike each so it can better build your station. I love it and it's different everyday, which to me is awesome because I get bored with the same songs on my iPod.

Check it out!